I’d like to open this review with an excerpt from The CW’s Guide to Angering Fans of The Originals:
Step #1 – Present to them an intense, game-changing hour of television.
Step #2 – Place Rebekah and Klaus in danger as a cliffhanger.
Step #3 – Reveal to them the next episode won’t come on for THREE FREAKING WEEKS.
Step #4 – Sit back and laugh at the subsequent Twitter meltdown.
There’s a lot of debate about the true evil on this show. Is it the vampires? The witches? The werewolves? No. It’s whoever is in charge of scheduling. Sure, I understand they’re simply trying to avoid pivotal episodes getting squished by the ratings juggernaut otherwise known as the Winter Olympics, but I don’t care. I’d rather see my Originals than the two-man luge. Unless it’s Klaus and Marcel luging.
Right…on with the review.
Bastiana vs. Klaus
Raised from the dead thanks to Celeste hijacking the Harvest, Bastiana wastes no time putting Papa Tunde’s blade from the previous episode into play. She hexes Father Kieran with the same hex that made Cami’s brother go all bad horror movie on his seminary, and Cami is told that the key to getting her uncle un-hexed is stabbing Klaus with the special magic knife thingy.
For a moment – a rare, fleeting moment – I dared wonder if at long last something interesting might happen with Cami. Alas, my hopes were fruitless. She gave Klaus the blade and almost bored me to sleep with her Sabrina Santiago-style speech on how she’s not a liar and a monster and blah-blah-blah special snowflake stuff. I admit, I dozed off for the bulk of her scenes. I think Klaus compelled Father Kieran to not go postal, but I don’t think it worked.
Klaus used the newly-resurrected Monique as leverage, in hopes of luring out Bastiana. Marcel did his best Nancy Grace “what about the children!?” and got his neck snapped for it, and Klaus got a chest full of magical blade courtesy of Sophie. We know that it won’t kill him, but it will make him suffer. And, we’ll see that suffering in THREE FREAKING WEEKS. Hrmph.
I am so over Cami. At first, I was simply bored by her. Now, I am becoming upset at the sight of her. She is like the Originals’ version of Cousin Oliver…there to appeal to a certain demographic with no real impact on the storytelling canvas. What demographic? I’m not sure. Whoever they are, they must matter a whole lot to the CW, because they’re still trying to make us think Cami is important.
Speaking of guys named Oliver…
Genevieve vs. Rebekah
When Elijah gives Rebekah the task of getting Hayley to the safety of the plantation house, Hayley reveals her true motive for going quietly. The full moon is rising tonight, giving her an opportunity to meet her pack. As you’ll recall, the oh-so-friendly witches placed a curse on them. They’re trapped in their wolf form until the full moon, when they get to walk on two legs again.
At the kegger, Rebekah meets Oliver. He’s on the short side, but he’s scraggily and naked and talks like Blake Shelton, so I can understand her making out with him against a tree (is that a genetic thing?). Unfortunately for Rebekah, this is the part of our program where it’s revealed it’s all a trick and she is left to be bitten repeatedly by a bunch of werewolves. Something tells me that, unlike Elijah, she’s not going to have Hayley to help her through the hallucinations accompanying those bites in a shack on the bayou.
Who is this Genevieve and what is her beef with Rebekah and Marcel? We’ll find out…in THREE FREAKING WEEKS. In the meantime, let us ponder why Rebekah is always being placed in danger. I could make the argument she’s the baddest of the Original sibs (let’s see Mr. Whiny Hybrid and Mr. Sexy Gentleman walk in those shoes!). She should be kicking butt, not getting tortured.
Celeste vs. Elijah
Elijah is no dummy. After putting the pieces together, he confronts Sabine-slash-Celeste. She’s back for vengeance against Klaus. Turns out, that whole killing her thing really stuck in Celeste’s craw. One toxic kiss later, and Elijah is on his knees. She gleefully tells him everyone he loves is in danger. Klaus, Rebekah and Hayley are all in separate perils and he’s only going to be able to save one of them by the time he recovers. Who will he choose?
Hayley, meanwhile, finally puts a human face to the wolf who’s been silently guarding her. His name is
Ethan Jackson and he is the son of Holly Sutton her werewolf betrothed. Hayley laughs at the notion that they’re meant to be, and though he’s bugged by her nonchalance, the house trapping them and catching on fire causes the conversation to take a backseat. No worries, though. Elijah swoops in and saves them. Both of them. But, something tells me he might rethink the saving Jackson part later.
He realizes he’s too late to help Rebekah and in his frustration demands Marcel and every vampire still with them help him find his missing siblings. And, he’ll probably do it … you guessed it … in THREE FREAKING WEEKS.
I’m not liking the recurring theme of torturing Rebekah. Maybe there’s a demographic that likes seeing blondes tortured? If so, there’s an easy remedy. You need something for Cami to do, that demographic needs to be satisfied…torture Cami. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go put these mad mediating skills to good use by heading to Washington and solving this pesky debt ceiling problem.